Today marks the end of my E math life in secondary school. Iam starting to agree with Lopez, Iam missing e math already..
NOT.I can't WAIT to kiss my math days goodbye.
But alas, there's still ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS PAPER ONE AND TWO. The lines I've recited and forced myself to read at lightning speed whenever I sense a little discouragement in other people's words(whether consciously or not) is NOT WORKING. Somehow people treat my words like a JOKE.
"If this is an attempt of yours to try and discourage me before my paper, you can stop it now."And they proceed to start saying even nastier things because they think I WAS JOKING.
Yeah, RIGHT. Iam not. Iam serious. I have a pretty fragile self esteem here so I need to protect it in ANY and EVERY single way I can. Will you people please be kind and LEAVE ME ALONE? Iam serious, ANYTHING you say unconsciously might demoralise me, so please don't say anything AT ALL about the papers, okay?
(Iam not referring to Wasin cuz I know he's VERY harmless..)
But thankfully, REN JIAN HAI YOU QING.
This world is not devoid of love and concern, either.
Throughout the 3 whole days of battle and before that, I've received numerous encouragements, words of advice etc. I've people fretting over me(Ronald LAM WEN CHUAN who asks me to call him after the papers so he can go through with me and stuff), people who SMSes me daily to encourage me(Lovell and his "ON TODAY'S MENU.."), random people whom I can't believe knows Iam taking my O's(Alvin, Yingying), kind school mates who know how much I fear math(Kwangteng, HONGZHANG, Josephine, Sara)..
and many many others. I can't really remember all the names.
Must thank THE father and THE mother too.
People who bothers fetching me right after every paper- so I won't have a chance to compare answers and get demoralised for the next one.
_______________
But I think I've failed God terribly. I promised, I PROMISED to trust in His word and promise. But when I was taking the paper, I saw this question on geometric proving that I didn't know how to do, I scribbled something crude on the paper and skipped it. :(
But why is God so faithful?
I finished the paper and God was like, "turn back turn back!"
I turned.
Stared at the question. STILL as hard.
Mind turns blank..
And then I got it.
Okay, I don't think I did as well as the others, but I know I won't fail it. You know, when there's something BANGING on your heart. Like its that GUT FEELING you KNOW you won't do badly...
Bah, I feel super guilty now. But on the other hand, I still feel VERY, VERY grateful that God turned up despite me being a total brat who doesn't trust him and stuff..